q&a page 21
1,018) May a minor, under Bar Mitzvah age, blow the Shofar in Shul after Shacharis during the month of Elul?
A: Ideally, this should not be done by a minor, as it isn't proper Kavod HaTzibur. However, if there is no adult present that is able to blow, the minor can do it B'Dieved, as this blowing is just a Minhag. ( Ruling of Rav Chaim Kanievsky Zatzal, quoted in Gilyon Divrei Siach Parashas Ki Seitzei 5784)
1,019) Q: If I have already been yotzi hearing the shofar and I blow at home for my wife at home in the afternoon, who makes what bracha?
A: If you were already Yotzei, you do not recite the Brachos when blowing for women. They may recite the brachos themselves (if they are ashkenazi women. Sephardic women do not recite brachos on Mitzvos Asei Shehazman Grama) (See Shulchan Aruch and Rama Siman 589:6)
If you are blowing for another male, you may recite the brachos again for him, even if you already fulfilled the Mitzvah earlier. Thus, if you are blowing for a group containing men and women, you may recite the brachos again and exempt all in attendance.
1,020) Do you have any sources related to not saying Avinu Malkeinu on Shabbos? I
A: The Levush ( Siman 584) says that Avinu Malkeinu was composed by Rebbi Akiva to mirror the weekday Shemona esrei (Chaneinu v'Aneinu for chonen hada'as; Hachzireinu B'Teshuva for Hashiveinu; slach u'mechal for Slach Lanu and so on). Hence, when we would say the weekday shemona esrei, we also say Avinu Malkeinu, while on Shabbos we wouldn't.
The Mogen Avraham 9Siman 623) adds a reason of not asking Bakashos on Shabbos, yet by Neilah we say it anyhow, even on Shabbos, as a) shabbos is already over and b) it's an emergency time of the sealing of the decree.
1.021) Q: When it’s too early to put Talis and tefillin on and we put on by yishtabach does the Baal tefilah stop before yishtabach to put on and the rest of the shul puts on after they say yishtabach, or does the Baal tefilah also do it after yishtabach?
A: the Ba'al tefilah also puts it on between yishtabach and Kaddish, like everyone else. It is not deemed a hefsek between Yishtabach and the kaddish. See Mishna Berura Siman 54 S"K 12
1,022) Q: My teacher told us that there were no monkeys on the Teiva. Is that possible?
A: One who sees an elephant or a monkey for the first time recites the Bracha of Baruch Ata Hashem Elokeinu Melech HaOlam Meshaneh HaBriyos. (Shulchan Aruch Siman 225:8)
The reason these 2 animals are singled out for this Bracha, when apparently all animals in the animal kingdom have their own unique and often strange appearance, is as follows:
The Talmud (Sanhedrin 109a) tells us that one of the punishments that Hashem meted out to the Dor Haflaga ,The people who tried to build the tower to heaven and wage war on Hashem, was to turn them into monkeys. (Unlike the evolutionists who absurdly believe that mankind evolved from monkeys, Chazal tell us that in fact the opposite is true and monkeys actually evolved from man!)
Thus, according to this Gemara, monkeys were seemingly not created during the 6 days of creation, and were only “changed” from humans as a punishment. Thus the Bracha of “Meshane HaBriyos- Changes the creatures” is perfectly understandable!
See Maleches Shlomo to Mishna in K’layim Perek 8:6 Dibur Hamaschil Hapil V’HaKof where he alludes to the above and also adds that elephants understand the language of man, and thus are “different” and require this Bracha. See his commentary at length for more on this. See also Meiri to Brachos 58 Dibur Hamaschil HaRoeh.
According to this, it is possible that there were no monkeys (and possibly no elephants) on the Teiva, as they were not in existence during the Mabul!
It is, however, possible that there were indeed monkeys and elephants at Creation, and Hashem turned the sinners into those creations, but not that they didn’t exist before at all. And the bracha of “Meshaneh HaBriyos” can just mean that these 2 creations underwent a change during the Dor Haflaga.
1,023) Q: Would toilet bowl cleaner tablets that are colored be a problem to use on Shabbos?
When you flush the toilet, "colored" water from the tank comes out because of the tablet that is in the tank. Is this a problem of coloring on shabbos?
A:This is a subject of dispute among the Poskim.
Some allow it L’chatchila, maintaining that the issur of Tzovea, coloring, doesn’t apply to liquid, as it isn’t absorbed, or because it is being done indirectly, B’grama. (See Shu”t Tzitz Eliezer Vol. 14 Siman 47 and Shu”t Ohr L’Tzion Vol. 1 Siman 29)
Others prohibit it totally. (See Shulchan Shlomo Siman 320:31, 3 and Orchos Shabbos Perek 15:64)
Some say while it isn’t outright prohibited, it is still better not to use these colored deodorizers, and rather opt for the clear ones.
If you find yourself in a situation where it is already in, and you need to flush the toilet, there are many Poskim to rely on that it may be flushed.
Some Poskim will advise removing the tablet (with a Shinui, as it may be Muktzah) before flushing, if possible.
1,024) Q: Is a woman allowed to put up a mezuzah?
A: While there are opinions that do not allow it (Yeshuos Malko Hilchos mezuza Perek 5 Halacha 10, Shu"t Be'er Moshe Vol. 2 Siman 100) , the normative Halacha follows the opinion that does allow it, especially if not doing so will lead to living in the home without mezuzos, which is prohibited. ( See Shu"t Chasam Sofer Yoreh Deah Siman 271 and Shu" t Shevet Haleivi Vol. 2 Siman 158. See also Shu"t Eretz Tzvi Vol. 1 Siman 15)
When a woman affixes a mezuzah, she recites the blessing as well: אַשֶר קְדִשָנוּ בְּמִצְווֹתָיו וְצִיווָנוּ לִקְבּוֹעַ מְזוּזָה
For halacha L'Ma'aseh every individual should consult their own Rav.
Regarding a woman writing a mezuza, see Q&A #296 here
1,025) Q: Is Al Naharos Bavel, recited before Birchas hamazon, a Halachic requirement or a minhag?
Answer: It is a minhag, based on Kabalistic sources. (See Mishna Berura Siman 1 S"K 11 quoting the Shelah Hakadosh, that it is recited on days that we say tachanun. On days that we don't say Tachanun, we substitute Tehilim 126, Shir Hammalos beshuv Hashem es Shivas Tzion)
1,026) Q: When it’s too early to put on Talis and Tefillin and we put them on by Yishtabach, does the Baal Tefilah stop before Yishtabach to put on while the rest of the shul puts on after they say Yishtabach or does he also do it after Yishtabach?
A: The Rama Siman 53 and Mishna Berura S"K 8 say the Shatz should put it on before Yishtabach, and then say some additional pesukim, followed by Yishtabach and kaddish
The Mishna berura Siman 54 SA"K 12 says the shatz should put it on after Yishtabach, just like everyone else.
So how do we deal with this seeming contradiction?
The Poskim say as follows: If the tefillin are available, or if it is already time to put them on before Yistabach, the Shatz should do it then, and thus avoid interrupting between Yishtabach and Kaddish.,
If the Tefilin are not yet available, or if the time has not yet arrived to put them on, then Yishtabacj should be recited first, connected to pesukei D'Zimra, and only then put on the tefillin, and although it will be a hefsek between Yishtabach and kaddish, we are not concerned about this minimal hefsek, as putting on tefillin with a bracha, in this case, is more important.
1,027) Q: Is it permissible to make seltzer on Shabbos using a Sodastream?
A: It's a machlokes Haposkim if making seltzer on Shabbos is allowed via a "sodastream" type of machine. The reasons given why it would be prohibited vary, some say due to Molid, others say due to Boneh, while others deem it Uvdah D'Chol. Some do not give a clear reason for their strict ruling.
The MaHaril Diskin prohibited it, as did the Chelkas Yaakov, the Tzitz Eliezer. and many others who felt that surely Ba'alei Nefesh should be stringent.
Rav Shlomo Zalmen Auerbach allowed it, as did Rav Ovadia Yosef Zichronam L'Vracha.
Generally, many contemporary Poskim are lenient and allow it, so long as there is no electricity/LED indicator lights involved in the machine, and only via the machine, and not via adding a dissolvable tablet into the water (similar to alka seltzer)
Many Poskim suggest making it before Shabbos, if possible, and only if you forgot to do it before Shabbos, allow you to do it on Shabbos.
Some sources that discuss this include:
Shu"t Chelkas Yaakov Siman 134, Shu"t Minchas Yitzchok Vol. 9 Siman 33, Shemiras Shabbos K'Hilchaso Perek 11:35, Shut" Tzitz Eliezer Vol. 20 Siman 13. See also Piskei Teshuvos Siman 320:15 footnote 163 and Siman 313 footnote 99
For Halacha L'ma'aseh, of course, every individual should consult their own Rav.
1,028) Q: What is the correct bracha recited when eating calzone?
A: If it is eaten as a meal, as it usually is, it will require washing, hamotzi and Birchas Hamazon.
If it is clearly eaten as a snack ( such as when tasting a small piece, not as part of a meal), it's a machlokes Haposkim if it still requires washing, Hamotzi and Birchas Hamazon or if it will then be mezonos.
See Shulchan Aruch Siman 168:17 and Mishna Berura S"K 94 and Biur Halacha there.
For Halacha L'ma'aseh a rav should be consulted.
1.029) Q: On Sukkos, can one sleep in the lower bed of a bunk bed placed inside the sukkah. Is one yotzeh the mitzvah by eating or sleeping on the lower bed?
A: There are stringent opinions in the Poskim who don't allow sleeping on a bottom bed of a bunk bed in the Sukkah. Many contemporary Poskim, however, allow it, as long as the space between the bottom bad and the top bed is less than 10 tefachim.
See Shu"t Shevet Haleivi Vol. 7 Siman 36 and Shu"t Rivevos Efraim Vol. 6 Siman 335:1
1,030) Q: What is the proper bracha to recite when eating a Calzone?
A: If it is eaten as a meal, as it usually is, it will require washing, hamotzi and Birchas Hamazon.
If it is clearly eaten as a snack (such as when tasting a small piece, not as part of a meal), it's a machlokes Haposkim if it still requires washing, Hamotzi and Birchas Hamazon or if it will then be mezonos.
See Shulchan Aruch Siman 168:17 and Mishna Berura S"K 94 and Biur Halacha there.
For Halacha L'ma'aseh a rav should be consulted.
1,031) Q: Does an elevator need a Mezuzah? Please provide sources.
A: This is a subject of debate among the Poskim. Some require it, while others do not. Some require it only on the actual elevator door and not on the stationary door that leads into the elevator, while others require it only on the stationary door, and not on the moving elevator door.
See Shu"t Minchas Yitzchok Vol. 4 Siman 93 and Shu"t Minchas Shlomoh Vol. 2 Siman 97:23
For Halacha L'ma'aseh, a Rav must be consulted.
1,032) Q: When do we say/write “Alav Hashalom” vs. "Zichrono L'vracha" or “Zecher Tzadik L’vracha”… i.e., how “renowned” should the niftar be such that you say ZT”L vs A”H?
A: While people assume that A"H is a level under ZT"L, as the former is used for all Yidden, whereas the latter is used for people deemed Tzadikim, that is not in fact accurate. Chazal often use the term A"H in relation to Avraham Avinu, Moshe Rabbeinu and Dovid Hamelech, who were certainly Tzadikim of the highest caliber.
I think it just developed as two ways to express the same sentiment, and can safely be used interchangeably. I also see A"H used for women and Z"L used for men, even though either one works for both. I think it's more of the way things developed than any real reason with a real source.
1.033) Q: If I slept a half hour after sunset just to take a rest, do I need to say Birchos hatorah in order to learn and Daven?
And if I take another rest for over a half hour before I go to sleep for the night do I have to say it again another time?
And when I get up in the morning do I say Birchos hatorah another time?
A: If you go to sleep after sunset and get up during the night before Chatzos, you do not recite Birchos HaTorah then; you will recite it in the morning (See Aruch Hashulchan Siman 47:23)
If you wake up after Chatzos, but before Alos Hashachar, and are planning to go back to sleep some Poskim say to recite the Birchos HaTorah when you wake up during the night, and then again in the morning upon waking up for the day.
Some Poskim, however, say that in this case, you should only recite it once. Some say to say it during the night and not again in the morning. Some say to recite it in the morning upon waking up for the day, and not when you wake up during the night.. Some Poskim say to say it during the night without Sheim U’Malchus, and then say it properly in the morning.
(See Mishna Berura Siman 47 S”K 29 and 30, and Shu”t Minchas Yitzchok Vol. 10 Siman 7)
1,034) Q: Who wrote the the "Hadran" that we say at a Siyum after finishing a mesechta? What's the mekor for it?
A: The Hadran and its text including listing the names of Rav Pappa's 10 sons is referenced already in the writings of Rav Hai Gaon. A lot of the text of the Hadran, as we have it, is quoted in Sefer HaEshkol (one of the early Rishonim), Hilchos Sefer Torah Siman 14. Over the years additional Pesukim and tefilos were added to it.
1,035) Q: If one attended a kiddush and ate more than enough mezonos for an after bracha,
and drank a small amount of wine(less than a malei lugmav) and had a large glass of coke, what is the after bracha?
I am having an argument with a friend
One says that you make an al hamichyia together with al hagefen, followed by borei nefashos, as not enough wine was drunk to cover the coke
And the other states that the Al hamichyia, al hagefen combination is enough to even cover the coke
Who is correct?
A: There is a machlokes haposkim if the Al hagefen may be added to the al hamichya when less than a Kzayis of wine was drunk. Rav Moshe Feinstein Zatzal (Igros Moshe Orach Chaim Vol. 2 Siman 109) allows it, while Rav Shlomo Zalmen Aurbach Zatzal does not. (quoted in Shemiras Shabbos K'Hilchasa Perek 54:71)
When Al Hagefen is not added, a Borei Nefashos will be needed on the soda. When Al hagefen is added, it will cover the coke.
1,036) Q: Is there anything about smelling the Havdalah candle after it is put out?
A: It is brought down in Sifrei Minhagim to smell the Havdalah candle after it is extinguished, and say the words "Zichru Toras Moshe Avdi" , and doing so is a segulah for good memory/ remembering your Torah learning. See Sefer Kitzur Mekorei Minhagim, Vol. 1 , end of Siman 34)
I have also heard that it is a Segulah to help control ka'as, anger, in the week ahead, though I did not find a source for that anywhere.
1,037) You wrote in Q&A #437 "there is a prohibition to write half Pesukim (See Talmud Megila 22a)"
But it occurred to me when I was learning gemorah this past Shabbos that the gemorah frequently quotes (writes) half of a posuk, sometimes with v’go’ and sometimes not. Sometimes the proof is even from the half of the posuk that is not written. Did Rabbeinu HaKadosh do this when he wrote the Mishna, or did Ravina and Rav Ashi do this when they wrote the gemorah? Is this an error where the early Vilna printers did not follow halacha? Should we avoid putting half pesukim on a wedding invitation (even though that seems to be the minhag haolam)?
A: The prohibition is cited in the Mogen Avrohom Siman 51:9, and he seems to understand it literally, as applying across the board.
However, many Poskim qualify this and maintain that there are many cases where it does not apply. Some say it only applies in public.
Some say it only applies to pesukim of the Torah and not to Neviim and Kesuvim.
Some say it applies to verbalizing them, and not to writing them.
Some say it only applies when learning/reading the Pesukim in question on their own, not when saying them in davening, quoting them in a speech or as part of learning Gemara.(See Chayei Adam Klal 5:2)
See Shu"t Tzitz Eliezer Vol. 19 Siman 7 for more details on this.
It is definitely a good idea to try and say the whole Posuk, when possible, or at least say "Vgomer" to indicate there is more to the Posuk.
1,038) Q: What makes the 6th alyia "better" than the 4th alyia and so on? Who set that?
A: In many communities, Shlishi is more respected, as it is the first aliyah after Kohen and Levi ( Based on Talmud Gitin 59b-69a)
Kabalisticly,however, Shishi is more respected and coveted, as the aliyos correspond to the 7 Sefiros, the 7 divine attributes, and the sixth one corresponds to the Midah of Yesod.
1,039) Q: If I slice a banana and put it into the oatmeal and eat it together, do I make a borei nefashos as well as an al hamichya, or does the al hamichya cover the banana too? Does it change the halacha if I made a brocha on one slice of banana before putting the rest into the oatmeal (and should I avoid doing that)?
A: As long as you ate a kzayis of the oatmeal ( the Ikar) it exempts the banana ( the tafel). See Shulchan Aruch Siman 212:1
1,040) Q: Can one go to the mikvah before shachris on Erev Shabbos morning to be counted for Shabbos? How about bigdai Shabbos,can one put them on early in the day?
A: Al Pi Kabalah it is best to use the Mikvah on Erev Shabbos after Chatzos, or no earlier than an hour before Chatzos. See Kaf Hachaim Siman 260:7. Some say to do it as close to Shabbos as possible, but many Poskim actually feel its better to do it by Chatzos and not push it off too late in the day.See Piskei Teshuvos Siman 260 footnote 1. See Aruch Hashulchan Siman 260:7
The same would apply for Bigdei Shabbos.
1,041) Q: If someone used a kli to make a fruit drink without toiveling it, can you drink the drink or is it better not to?
A: You can drink it in a different, toveled,utensil. See Rama Yoreh Deah end of Siman 120.
1,042) Q: When washing for bread it happens that one person is saying the bracha al netilas yadayim while another is not finished drying his hands. Can one who has washed but who has not finished (or even begun) drying his hands respond to the other's bracha?
A: This is a machlokes. See Shu"t Ohr L'Tzion Vol. 2 Siman 11;3 where he allows answering Amen in this scenario.
1,043) Q: if I know that another Jew (not Torah-observant yet) eats broccoli frequently, should I tell him that it has bugs in it and that to eat them is forbidden, if I know he will not take heed to get kosher broccoli?
A: If you know for a fact he won't listen, generally it's best not to say anything. See Sefer Hachinuch Mitzvah 239, where he cites the concept of כשם שמצוה לומר דבר הנשמע כך מצוה לשתק במקום שאין הדבר נשמע
1,044) Q: Is there a mekor for the concept that all niftarim can go in front of the Kisei Hakavod and be mispalel for their family/friends/Klal Yisroel?
A: The concept of the Neshamos of Tzadikim being Melitzei Yosher for us after their passing is based on a Zohar (Parshas Acharei Mos). It is quoted in Gesher Hachaim, Vol. 2 Siman 25:9
1,045) Q: If someone feels cold because the window is open, I was told that someone has to close the window. Where is the source for this?
A: If it's in the winter, then he should close the window. if it's in the summer, the cold person should put on a sweater. This is how it is quoted in the name of Rav Yisroel Salanter Zatzal.
Rav Chaim Kanievsky Zatzal also ruled this way, citing as a proof the Mishna in Peah 4:1, where a single person can override the majority, if his position is "K'Halacha", meaning it is more logical.
See Sefer Mishpetei HaTorah, Vol. 1 Siman 89 where he rules this way based, among other proofs, on the Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat Siman 155:39
1,046) Someone in their year of availus, a few months in, for a parent, can they attend a purim seudah? And can they host a Purim seudah?
A: An avel may attend a Purim seudah as he is obligated in that seudah. But once he has partaken of a seudah, he may not join another seudah afterward, as that is not obligatory, and thus not appropriate during Aveilus. See Divrei Sofrim Perek 41:90
if possible not to host, that would probably be best.
1,047) Q: I know that it is better to use wine at the Seder than grape juice. They have on the market very light wines with very low alcohol content, which are much easier to drink. Does this suffice to be deemed wine?
A: Most contemporary Poskim agree that the wine used for the seder should ideally contain 4% alcohol for it to be deemed wine. Some are lenient and allow 3.5% alcohol.
Unless a person is unable to drink wine (in which case grape juice suffices) he should ideally opt for a wine that has at least 4% alcohol, to perform the Mitzvah of Arba Kosos properly.
#Pesach
1,048) Q: What is the reason for dipping the egg at the Seder in Salt water
A: The egg we eat represents the Korban Chagigah that was brought in the Bais Hamikdash on Yom Tov. All Korbanos required salt, hence the minhag developed to dip it in salt water.
An additional reason for the egg, is as a sign of mourning for the Bais Hamikdash (Pesach and Tisha B'Av always fall out on the same night of the week), and also Avraham Avinu passed away on Erev Pesach ( See Pri Megadim Siman 476) and the salt water is akin to our tears of mourning.
Rama Siman 476:2 and Mishna berura bring these reasons for the egg, but do not mention the salt water, so that must have been a minhag that developed later.
Some suggest that the salt water reminds us of the tears that the Bnei Yisroel cried as they suffered under the Egyptian slavery.
Another reason I have seen is that it reminds us of the salty water of the Yam Suf that split for us.
#Pesach
1,049) Q: Does a tahara room ( where the Mikvah is) need a mezuza?
A: It is exempt from a mezuzah. See Shulchan Aruch Yoreh deah Siman 286:4
1.050) Q: I've heard the no tachanun in Nisan rule due to most of the month being non-tachanun days , but shouldn't this apply to Tishrei also?
Tishrei 1,2,9,10-23 (including isru chag), 30 is 17 days and more than half the month , but we say tachanun from Tishrei 3-8 ?
A: The explanation is that Nisan starts off with no tachannun, due to the nessim, then pesach, and by the time Pesach is over, we already had most of the month without Tachnun, so we omit Tachanun for the rest of the month as well.
Tishrei starts with Tachnaun, and only midway does Yom Tov hit, and eventually we end up with most of the month without Tachnun.
See Shulchan Aruch Harav Orach Chaim Siman 429:9
1,051) Q: Who has Kedimah for davening for the Amud, a shloshim or a parent's yohrtzeit?
A: The Shach (Yoreh Deah Siman 376:8) cites "Minhagim" that a Yahrzeit takes precedence. However, the Shach himself rules that the Shloshim takes precedence, and many Poskim follow this ruling.
There is also the option of splitting the davening into two parts, one of them davening until Ashrei U’val L’Tzion and the other one taking over from there until the end. Such a compromise is a good idea and serves the benefits of the Neshamos being davened for, as there is no greater zechus for them than Shalom!
This option is mentioned in the Biur Halacha’s lengthy paragraph about this in Siman 131
1,052) Q: If one sees the mediterranean , atlantic and pacific oceans in a period of less than 30 days, does one make the bracha on each one individually or does one bracha suffice?
A: A separate bracha should be recited on each sighting, even if it's within 30 days. (See Halichos Shlomo Vol. 1 perek 23:27)
Please also note the following info:
If one of the great oceans (Pacific, Atlantic, Indian and Arctic) which encompass almost the entire world, is seen, the Bracha recited is “Baruch Ata Hashem Elokeinu Melech HaOlam Oseh (or SheAsah, according to some opinions) HaYam HaGadol- Blessed are You Hashem our G-d, Master of the world, Creator of the Large ocean”. The reason Chazal instituted a special Bracha for these oceans was due to their Chashivus (prominence) (Mishna Berura 228:2 and Biur Halacha there)
The Mediterranean Sea, although technically part of the Atlantic Ocean, is considered its own body of water, and the Bracha upon seeing it would be like seeing other seas, “Oseh Ma’asei Vereishis” (See Shu”t Minchas Yitzchok Vol. 1 Siman 110 and Halichos Shlomo Perek 23:29 for their view on this. See also Shu”t Teshuvos V’Hanhagos Vol. 3 Siman 76)
1,053) Q: If someone has a yahrzeit for a parent on Chol Hamoed Pesach (or Sukkos for that matter) does one say Kel Moleh Rachamim, and if so, when?
A: We don't say it in Nisan, nor by Shacharis on Shabbos Mevorchim Nisan ( See Rama Siman 284:7) or on Parshas Hachodesh ( See Mishna berura Siman 685 S"K 18). So it best to say it either by Mincha on Shabbos before Nisan, or even at a weekday Krias hatorah before Nisan.
In Tishrei it can be sid the Shabbos before Yom Tov
1,054) Q: I am saying kaddish after alainu for someone whom no one is saying kaddish for.
I recently went to a kollel to daven and said it in unison with whoever else was saying kaddish. The Rosh Kollel was really close by in front of me and he was also saying kaddish. Later, someone who was standing nearby to me said that my kaddish didn't really count because I didn't say it loud enough for 10 men to hear. I was under the impression that if I say it in unison and people reapond it would be OK. Also, I am shy with reading out loud in Hebrew, as well as I don't feel comfortable shouting out kaddish as I personally feel it is disrespectful to the tefilla itself.
If I have any basis, please let me know sources because this reprove was done in front of my son and I feel a bit ashamed.
A: This is a machlokes haposkim. Some maintain that as long as the Chazan or another person is saying it loud, others saying it may say it low. Other Poskim maintain that all who are saying Kaddish need to say it loud enough for all to hear, and the more people who hear it, the better it is for the Neshama who Kaddish is being recited for.
It is best to be stringent with this, if possible, and have at least a minyan hear you, as some Poskim maintain that saying it low is akin to saying it by yourself at home. (See Shu”t Rav Po’alim Vol. 2 Siman 14 and Ben Ish Cha Parashas Vayechi 16. See also Kaf Hachaim Siman 55: 31-32, see also Shu” t Binyan Tzion Siman 122, Shu”t B’Tzeil Hachochma Vol. 5 Siman 135 and Shu”t Mishna Sachir Vol. 1 Siman 11 at length, quoting the Chasam Sofer and the Shu”t Radvaz Vol. 33 Siman 446 and 474)
That being said, the person who told this to you should have done so quietly, not in the presence of your son, as embarrassing someone is certainly worse than saying Kaddish quietly.
1,055) Q: I recited a bracha of Birkas Ha'ilanos over a fruit plant grown inside. I’m very concerned that it was not correct to do so. If it wasn’t can I say the bracha again over a correct sort of tree?
A: According to rav Chaim kanievsky Zatzal. the bracha may only recited on a tree growing in the field, not on a tree in a planter. Some Poskim allow it on a planter as well, but it is best to nt rely on this. (Quoted in sefer Mili M'Alyesa, citing Sefer Sharei Torah Vol. 3 Siman 46)
If you already recited the bracha on the planter, no new bracha should be recited on a tree anymore.
#Nisan